At some point during my stroppy teenage years I looked at my beautiful mummy who still, to this day, has her routine of putting on makeup as part of her every day, and for some reason decided that that wasn't for me.
I remember thinking that I don't want to get used to wearing makeup every day, so that I don't ever have to hate my face on a day when I don't put it on. Also I was and am a bit anti-routine and lazy and hate feeling like I have to do something every day without fail or else.
So for years I've had some makeup, managed to put it on when going out for the night, or for weddings or parties or whatever. And done that managing not to be too embarrassed at any nice comments that might have ensued. I also have tried very hard over the years not to bristle at the comments I've received when my curly hair has been straight on that day after it's been cut. Which are right up there with the 'oh you look so different, so lovely without your glasses'.
That's really nice and all, along with the straight hair comments, alongside the makeup comments, but actually I have curly hair and glasses and generally can't be arsed with makeup. Which is also ok....isn't it?
And I realise that yes, that is ok, but so is wanting to look nice every day, wanting to go beyond the clean face and moisturiser rule that became my bare minimum. Wanting to allow myself to dress nicely, to feel good and to use the tools that can help me with that. Tools that also include a good night's sleep, plenty of water, remembering to smile and not just frown, and continue to breathe in all the lovely things around me.
As an official bona fide nearly grown up, I now embrace wanting to have nicely highlighted hair and trust my fantastic hairdresser and his advice as to when he will let me realise my ambition to let my grey hair 'run free'.
I look at my mother, my sister in law, my mum, I think of an old friend and her presumably still active lipstick obsession, and think how lovely they look. I must make sure I tell them more often how their effort is appreciated from where I'm sitting. I also think of my own late blooming as one more thing that me and my super sis have in common.
On my recent annual girls weekend, I found myself looking closely at my gorgeous blonde friend's makeup, using it, seeing how nice it looked and grinning at how different I felt. So for my 39th birthday a month ago I asked my mum to buy me the magic Touche Eclat, I bought myself a pressed powder, dug out the bronzer and nice lipstick and liquid eyeliner that has slowly snuck into my top drawer this last year, and started to gently form my little routine.
Nothing or a tiny bit for the glowing good days. A little more help when feeling grey and tired. And the maximum, well my minimum maximum anyway, should there be a camera or a need to feel pretty and instead of standing out as tired and old, allow myself to blend in as having cared enough to try a little.
Yes, that's the difference now.
Now that I'm significantly older, tireder and able to look at the whole Sara in the mirror again, I realise that the makeup I once thought wearing would mean I'd stand out, actually allows me to blend in. But blend in feeling happy, healthy, attractive and comfortable with myself.
So yes, this is a post about shallow things but a realisation that those surface changes are part and parcel of helping me to feel good deep down.
Now, where is that lovely lip gloss?
I wear make-up everyday. But truth be told, I feel UGLY without it. I really think if it weren't for make-up I would never have scored a hubby. I have terrible dark circles. I have since I was a kid, nothing I can do about it besides make-up. They ruin my whole face. So it's concealer for me!! :)
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