Messages, signs, guidance

To find yourself staring at your computer screen and typing Help into Google isn't necessarily a good sign. Nor were the aches and pains and head spins of this afternoon. So unfortunately, despite a lovely lunch with some lovely people, today wasn't going down as a day of note.

I left work trying not to spread my gloom, walked to the tube as usual, arriving to find my travel card had disappeared along the way, which made the anxiety levels shoot up a bit further.

As I hurriedly retraced my steps, calling the nanny to tell of my delay, I half noticed the relaxed girl with the water bottle, chatting to her friend and waving a distinctive, but common, blue Oyster card holder as she passed on her way into the station.

Brushing that off and rushing on by, all the way back to the office and then all the way back to the tube again, eyes down, still no sign of it.

Made a connection with the nice guard at Tottenham Court Rd station who told me what to do now it had gone.

I joined the long long queue of people trying to buy tickets at the two working machines at the peak of rush hour in a busy station. Trying trying not to cry or find a way to use this as justification of things being crappy.

I jumped out of the queue in indecision and a momentary loss of focus, then tried immediately to pop my way back in and convince the earphoned iphone reading man who had been standing behind me for 5 minutes that I wasn't just being cheeky.

Then all of a sudden the nice station guy called my name along the line, saw my thankful face as he held out my travel wallet saying to me "this is your lucky day".

As I hurried down the empty spiral staircase, travel card in hand, away from the rush hour throng, I cried quietly as I went, wondering
"Is it really?"
and trying to work out what, if anything, that last 15 minutes was trying to tell me.

I've got as far as a lesson in perspective, peripheral vision and keeping an open mind. All of which has made me feel significantly better writing this than I did a few hours ago.