Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Throw those curtains day like this a year will see me right

Yesterday I found myself in an emotional state, tearful, on the edge of sobbing for no real reason, even at work where this Sara barely ever comes out to play and work Sara in turn barely shows her face here.

I'd started the day taking L to the docs for another ear infection, having niggles with husband over having to do the grunt work by myself having been home alone for the weekend, and I was generally feeling over it all.

I enrolled best friends to help with this wobble and used their messages and texts for letting some tears dribble out. With my colleagues I was quiet, honest about not feeling very bright and breezy. I ate comfort food, I read things, I watched things, I tried to get inspired and over this fug of "dis" that had entered my office since last week.  Discouraged, disheartened, dispirited...all by the run of luck on one amazing project that I had possibly invested a little too much of myself in.

I had a random call from a random friend who helped me to draw a line back to when I last felt like this.  Back a few posts to the Kindness entry.  That helped identify the similarities and put a flag in in case the links become apparent (oh and if I'm honest, let me search and not find any obvious hormonal link)

So I got through the day and even achieved a little bit of something too.

I then went off to the O2 to watch Elbow in concert with my big brother.  We were spoiled as VIP's by my lovely friend so got to eat and catch up first.  We then got to experience this amazing proud Manchester band be funny and talented and in my case, lift my soul. 

As I watched I thought and thought about the person behind their "Seldom Seen Kid", my family friend, a missed and loved son of one of my "adopted mummy", best friend of my mum.  His memory and the tragedy of him no longer being here to experience all the other bits of him that I was too young and then too far to know, let me trickle out some more of those tears.

In contrast to the night before I came home late, fell asleep without needing to distract myself with reading, and apparently around 2am had a funny conversation with myself where I giggled and laughed.

Today I feel ok.  The packed lunch had been made by someone other than me, the medicine administered, the homework done, the shopping had been put away.  It isn't a red letter day by any means, but I did throw the curtains open wide just in case it was.

So thank you Elbow, thank you Bryan, thank you husband for pulling your finger out and thank you friends for hearing me

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you had such a rough day!! We all have them. Thank God for good friends!!!!