Let The Sun Shine

It's been a funny old week. I've been very worried about my darling sister all the way over in New Zealand having an operation to try and make her better and find out why she's been so poorly for so long. With the 11 hour time difference and the knowledge that I can't be there to scoop up her girls and take her place while she's away it's been horrid. Thankfully she's doing well and we can go back to existing in our own timezones without waiting for news or worrying.
D's granny has also been really poorly for a few weeks. This wonderful 93 year old woman (she of the ward full of old ladies watching boxing)is clinging onto this amazing life she's lead, but tonight while kindling the candles and all of us talking about what we're thinking, J said "I don't want great granny to die". Heartbreaking and sad and it feels like somehow this is our first real test of parenting. A sensitive boy, old enough to know about death from knowledge of my daddy before he was born, and his great aunt when he was still young enough not to get it. But this...this is where we get to hopefully do it all properly.
If you're looking at the title of this post and wondering when the sunshine comes....I'm getting there I promise.
So, with all that going on I just felt very down. By the time I got to Thursday night the arrangement that had been in my diary to see Hair with some old university friends just loomed in front of me. The thought of seeing friends who know me very well and who I love dearly like L, A, K, B and H and a group of other lovelies who only know me back when my life was simple, began to scare me. I sent my friend K an email saying I might not be there, and when she called to be an amazing friend and tell me she was worried about me, I blubbed for a fair while. At my desk. Sorry boss.

So, I worked late, walked down to the theatre and called my other friend L. And with a cheeky drink on our own, I let my friend in and opened up. We shared our insanities, our worries, and she made me promise not to keep isolating myself because she and my other girls need to know when I'm struggling. Instead of thinking they can't understand, perhaps I can let them try.

So, as we sat in the theatre watching Hair, the stage full of delicious semi-clothed and amazingly talented performers, I sang along, grooved, laughed and eventually cried.
When the song "Let the Sun Shine In" started, L grabbed my hand and squeezed, and we sat there like that, with tears coursing down my cheeks, for the entire number.
Then to top it all off (after being spoiled like VIP's all night) we were part of a throng of lucky people who got to join the cast on stage for the final encore of the night. We were singing, dancing, laughing and hugging together.

So I want to thank all my girls for last night and thank so many people for so many things. My fabulous boys for filling my heart to bursting, my families for all they are and all they do, and I promise, when I can...

I will let the sun shine in
xx